endure something i cannot

Don’t know why I became so cynical. Everyday I feel uncomfortable with
everything I meet.

They talk too much. They seem to forget it is in library.

They talk too loud. They seem don’t know some persons who are fond of silence
can still be found in this planet.

They don’t response. They are numb. They are bugs. They are everything.
Everything I hate.

Shit. What more could I say. Can I blame them? Of course not. I don’t see
enough reason to blame them. I am part of them.

Just like a person who sits at a chair wants to lift that chair at the same
time.

Fine. It is okay. I can endure everything here. It is alright to me.

What I cannot endure is what happened last night.

As usual, we finish our movie in dormitory at part of it. Tiring of boring
movie, Chen Peiyang and I went to bed first. Later that Cambodians get inside
the room. They kept talking loudly, besides they are eating something. Hello,
I just wanted them to know in the same place some people’s sleep should be
paid respect too. They didn’t. The talking started at bathroom first. They
seemed so unsatisfied with the narrow space there. They come out, living the
light from bathroom directly shinning on my face. One more Cambodian joined
their talk by moving into my room. Shit. It is this word I kept saying in my
heart. At that time, I can hear all the sound from those guys. Chewing
something, regularly laughters, and unrecognizable stupid sound. Or sorry, I
forgot something, they even put some English words between their talk. Trying
to showing something to us, maybe it is better English than mine.

I felt so shame I didn’t say anything about that. As I mentioned before, I
could not ask them to stop talking unless I didn’t do same thing before.

I hate voice yet I hate to be left alone. It is this complex made me
compromise to what I cannot endure when I am studying, eating, or sleeping.

Isn’t this the stupidity of human being? You always want something you are not
worthy holding.