Words written on Dec 29 of this Lunar Rabbit Year

I didn’t even remember when it was the last time I wrote the blog in
English. I would like to write on something about how I made it through
this awful 2011.

what I did?

• I didn’t attend language school for Korean improvement; and I didn t work
  hard at this. There is no such thing as if only I could turn back time.
• Married on March 19, 2011.
• Found a not-too-bad job in Korea. Frankly, I got paid handsomely at my
  last job with less working pressure.
• Read books. Well, not only from 起点. With my kindle,
  I convinced myself that I like reading.
• Proudly to open an Octopressblog at colors4.us along with my wife.
• Get a job for wife. Serendipity.
• Finally to receive my PHD degree, taking one year and a half more time,
  expecting all the paperwork be done in coming two months.
• We got baptized.

some thoughts

The good thing is I have plans, the bad thing is plenty of them. Certainly
life is too short for all of them.

Like Obama said, changes that we need. I think if I don t do this in 2012,
I wouldn t be able to do it at all for the rest of my life.

• Be able to stay focus.
• Be stable, so I could have my desire for materials controlled.

letter from past

I received a letter writing to future me exactly one year before.

{% blockquote %}
Dear Future Me,

Sitting at my girlfriend Dong Ping s room, having done my nose
surgery..seems good...might marry her..

What do you think? Still thinking of working together in Korea? Hope I
could get well.
{% endblockquote %}

turned out to me, so far so good, at least for my nose and the marriage.

meeting with my father

The first thing I have to do every time I reach home is to meet my father,
so I went to see my father on this Dec 29th of lunar calendar year of
Rabbit. He is doing his time for embezzling allegation; basically he still
has 2 more years ahead if the expecting parole goes well.

It is a funny feeling because for me it is a once per year event, with it
slots at spring festival annually, the only chance I am able to be home.

I don t really have a lot to talk with my parents; I ascribe this to the
generation gap. We seldom talk in any time of my life; they seemed to be
busy all my life. So except the monetary support from them, which I feel so
grateful about, they don t have words in any decisions I made. I think I am
still mad at him, not 100 percent sure though. It is not that his
imprisonment brings shame to our family, quite contrast, I found it a good
way to see what people would think of inmate when come to their own friends
or relatives. The reason is quite simple, I offered him an exit, he didn t
take it and he didn t take the responsibility as a father when family
needed him most, quite opposite by what his doing.

We stayed in the meeting room. My dad is eating foods we brought to him. My
mom has prepared a lot to eat. Father looked quite busy during the meeting,
he had to have the chicken soup and talked with us, with a Chunghwa
cigarette in his fingers. Everyone is sitting at the chair, except me
standing beside them. I explained to them that I don t want to feel cold by
sitting down, it is not in fact, I tried to pose a stance to tell them, can
I leave first, I was quite sleepy (sorry to say this, but I had a red eye
flight last night).

He has not been in the family since Oct 2007. I felt that could be the
hardest time ever to me. For common practice, Chinese govt. tends to have
the couple of questioned official seizure at the same time. So my mom also
was gone for a 4 or 5 months time. My sister was 9 years old then; I just
started my PHD program in Xiamen University. It is in such moments that
Murphy s Law works quite well. Couple months later, my grandmother has
realized that she was kept being told the forgery reason of the absence of
father. She refused to take on medical cares for her later period of
diabetes. She left with regret not being able to see his son. Trying to
prove its own mercy, Govt. arranged father to see her dead body before
cremation. I don t quite understood what this was all about.

As inmate, Father has shaved his hair bold. I found him had adjusted quite
well, might even lost some weight, which is a lot better than before. When
meeting came end, he was escorted back by police. I can read his mind at
that time because he kept waving to us every two or three steps forward. He
tried to tell us we should be healthy and happy, he was quite sure about
the parole things too, we don t need to be worried.

I read you, and I forgive you, Dad.

last but not the least

Every once a while, I would start pondering the meaning of life. Quite
sure, I am not satisfied with answers by Siri. I would ask myself why
people feel angry, scare or sad. Of course I don t think I know it.
However, even by starting to question so, I was assured some edges. I
would ve felt that I am not me anymore but someone else. All of sudden, I
would not fear death. Certainly I back to normal.

I am proudly to be what I am now. :)